With All Your Friends

I was browsing the book section in my Mom’s store the other week and I thumbed through a picture book describing a child’s first day of school. One thing I noticed was that the author referred to all the classmates as the child’s friends as if automatically assuming a child would be friends with everyone. In some ways, I wondered if books like that create false expectations for children about school, especially those with special needs.

I would not tell a child starting school detailed accounts of bullying or scare them. However, I wonder if there is a way to prepare them, especially a child who is different, that school may be a struggle for them. In my experience in kindergarten, I didn’t really care about interacting with other children, I was more interested in being chased down the hall. I made a few friends in first and second grade, but by third grade, I was mostly rejected by my peers.

Some children, especially in major metro centers, spend their first few years of schooling in a special education setting to try and prepare them academically and socially. When they are ready to transition to “regular” schools, they often go from an environment where their differences are the norm to being the odd one out. I believe it is necessary to transition these children to mainstream, especially if they have future plans for college or university and need the full academic curriculum. However, I worry about the social impact of this transition. In my opinion, I don’t know if it will result in the child forming typical peer friendships, or just being socially ostracized. I was never in a special education class. I had a teacher’s aide in kindergarten, but by first grade, I was on my own.

One suggestion I would make is to have a discussion with your child on the spectrum early on about their diagnosis and strengths and weaknesses. Role play social situations such as joining a game or talking to classmates. Initiate neighborhood games in your yard to get other children to join your child at play, then slip into the house when the interaction starts to go smoothly.

For me, I made a few friends along the way, but didn’t really find my place until university. I am still not part of the “mainstream” world, but I have realized I don’t have to be. The friends I do have are very important to me, more important than if they would have come easily to me.