It’s the middle of a birthday party and a six-year-old girl is lying on the floor crying because her balloon popped. The other children go off to play games, the little girl remains on the floor screaming. The host of the party drags her to another room and closes the door. She continues to scream for the party. When she gets home, she gets in trouble, but she still doesn’t really grasp that there is a difference between crying briefly when a favourite toy breaks and ruining a birthday party. That six-year-old has Asperger Syndrome. That little girl was me in grade one.
Tantrums, sensation seeking behaviour, getting stuck on a topic and arguing it, taking things literally, and many other problem child behaviours are escalated with Asperger syndrome. Parents may be frustrated that their preteen cannot sit still in a restaurant to eat their dinner or handle their knife and fork right. Their elementary school child may not be able to get through a trip to the supermarket without a tantrum.
These behaviours are very difficult for parents to deal with, and can also disrupt others in a public place. Often well meaning people believe more discipline will magically cure the child of their Asperger Syndrome. (e.g. “If I had that child for one week, she’d be a different child).”
I do not believe AS is an excuse for bad behaviour. I’m glad my parents pushed me to learn appropriate social skills and set high expectations for me. These children have to learn that some behaviours are inappropriate and sometimes that means consequences. Consequences will vary depending on the situation and the family’s values. It always means a detailed explanation of why a certain behaviour is unacceptable. Reward systems such as sticker charts often work well with children with AS too. My parents used them with me as a child and I have also seen them used in places I volunteered at.
Besides discipline, explanations, and rewards, enlisting help of professionals is also essential in helping children with AS develop to their full potential.
3 comments:
I also think its a great idea to get kids used to different situations as early as possible. For instance, if you take your two year old to the grocery store regularly, just on quick trips to grab milk or pick out a treat, thats a chance to get the child used to the rules of the grocery store, the sights and sounds, the way it feels to ride in the cart, etc... so he may be able to handle it better when he's a little older if you want to bring him along on longer grocery shopping trips. Or attending frequent birthday parties, with a parent and for short amounts of time, in preschool, and learning the routines and rules of birthday parties, can make it easier for a kid to attend parties on her own as a first grader! That way, ahead of time a parent might be able to say, "Remember at Katie's party when your balloon popped and you got upset? I took you into the other room and helped you calm down. This time I won't be there, so if you get upset, you will have to find a way to calm yourself down. What could you do?"
Wow, that balloon story is SO familiar! My 7 year old daughter (PDD-NOS) did that this fall at a school rec night. I believe I made her leave the event.
I just returned from a cubs weekend where at one point I handed out balloons. One cub in particular decided to go on a balloon rampage and burst everyone's balloons. His actions resulted in tears all round but my son in particular (8) was a wreak.
No amount of discipline is going to help that kind of thing. Instead, he needed to have his attention distracted and a calm voice telling him to let it go.
I too don't believe aspergers is an excuse for a lack of discipline but every situation (and every child) is different and the means to discipline needs to cater for those differences.
If nothing else, it pays to remember that the word discipline means to teach - not to punish.
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