I've spent most of my life either living in the past or the future. My wondeful psychiatrist always says to focus on the moment but for the longest time I haven't been able to do this.
When I was in high school, I waited to go to university. When I entered university, I kept thinking about graduate school. I kept wondering to myself, will I get married? Will I be financially independent? Will I have children? Will my books get published?
A few weeks ago, Dad pointed out to me that in ten years from now I may have my PhD. and be financially independent but then I may be looking back remembering how young my parents were, my grandmothers being healthy, and all the loved ones (humans and animals) that have gone before me in that time.
A common question that is asked to elderly people is "When was the best time of your life?" I think many people spend their whole lives waiting for the best time of their lives. = Eva thinks every day is the best time of her life and I'm starting to learn from her example.
My Creed
I don’t have to be an expert
Just to be learning
And most importantly trying
To gradually raise the bar of my personal best
Like every human being
My future Is uncertain
My destination only partially in my hands
Each Moment I must stop and ask myself
Am I engaging fully in the present
While not forgetting the future
At the end of my time here
I want to look back and say
Not that I changed the world
Not on my number of accomplishments
But that I put my everything into each one
That I’ve helped more people than I’ve harmed
That I’ve given this world my best
And walked away having learned something
That’s all I can ask of myself
Laura, February 2008
Am I really going anywhere
Or is it an illusion
Like standing on a rock on the beach
Watching the water flow towards you
You feel you’re moving forward
But cover no distance at all
Or am I like the inchworm
Who climbs partway up a vine
To be pushed back by the wind
To begin its ascent from an earlier point
It will reach its destination
Much later than expected
But still make it
Through major progress
And major setbacks
My dreams remain
Laura, October 2, 2007
Evolution: God's work in progress
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